Bridesmaid Speech: How to Give One When You Are Not the Maid of Honor
Shorter, lighter, and with one job the maid of honor speech cannot do.
A bridesmaid speech is a different job from a maid of honor speech, and treating it like a shorter version of one is the usual mistake. The maid of honor gives the definitive account of the friendship. If you give a compressed version of the same thing, you are the support act for a song the audience is about to hear in full.
Your advantage is angle. You know her from a specific era, or a specific side, that the maid of honor does not. Take that and do not apologise for its narrowness.
How long
Two to three minutes, or 90 seconds each if several of you are sharing the slot. Bridesmaid speeches are almost always better short.
The structure
1. Establish your angle in one line
"I am the university friend", "I am the cousin", "I met her in a work kitchen in 2019". The room needs to know which part of her life you are reporting from.
2. One story from your era
Something the maid of honor genuinely cannot tell because she was not there. This is your entire contribution and it should be the bulk of the speech.
3. The bridge
What that story shows about her. One sentence. Resist the urge to draw three conclusions.
4. One line about her partner
Brief. "I knew when..." or "the first thing she said about you was...". Twenty seconds is plenty.
5. Toast
Short and warm. You do not need a big finish; that is the maid of honor's job later.
If several bridesmaids are speaking together
- Pick one structure and split it, rather than each giving a whole miniature speech. One of you does the childhood, one does the middle years, one does meeting the partner.
- Agree the handovers out loud in advance. "Which brings us to university, and Nadia" is smoother than three people looking at each other.
- Do not each tell a story. Three stories from three people is longer than one good speech and less coherent.
- One person gives the toast at the end. Not all of you, and not in unison.
- Total for the group: four minutes. This is the number most groups overrun and most rooms notice.
Establishing your angle
Opening
"Most of you know Hannah as an adult with a job and a mortgage. I met her when she was nineteen and living on cereal, and I would like to give the room some balance."
Opening
"I am the cousin. Which means I have known her the longest, seen her the least, and have the most unguarded material."
Opening
"I am here representing everybody who has ever shared an office with her, which is a group with strong opinions and excellent stories."
The story and the bridge
Story
"In our second year she talked a bus driver into a detour. Not a stop. A detour. Six of us and a driver named Keith went four miles off route because Hannah asked nicely and meant it."
Bridge
"That is the whole thing about her, really. She asks. Most people do not ask, and she has built an entire life out of the difference."
One line about the partner, then out
The partner
"The first time she mentioned Sam, she described his bookshelf for eleven minutes. I knew then."
The partner
"Sam, you have been on the receiving end of the bus driver treatment for four years now and you look delighted about it. Long may it continue."
Toast
"To Hannah, who asks. And to Sam, who said yes. Please raise your glasses."
The mistakes that sink it
- ✕Covering the same ground the maid of honor is covering. Ask her what she is doing. This is a two minute conversation that saves both speeches.
- ✕Apologising for not being the maid of honor. Nobody was thinking about it until you raised it.
- ✕Going past three minutes. A supporting speech that runs long costs the main one its impact.
- ✕A group speech with no agreed structure. It always runs double the intended length.
- ✕Inside jokes from your era that need the era explained. If it takes setup, it is not worth the time you have.
Reading about it is the easy part
Answer seven questions about your history with her and the wizard drafts a speech in your voice, at the length you choose. Free preview, no signup.
Write my bridesmaid speechQuestions people actually ask
- Do bridesmaids give speeches?
- It is not traditional but it is increasingly common, especially where there is no maid of honor or where several close friends want to speak. Check with the couple first, since the running order has a finite number of slots.
- How long should a bridesmaid speech be?
- Two to three minutes solo, or around 90 seconds each if several of you are sharing a slot. Four minutes total for a group is the sensible ceiling.
- What should a bridesmaid say that the maid of honor will not?
- Something from your specific era or angle on her life. If you were university friends and the maid of honor is her sister, you have twenty years she cannot report on. That gap is your entire speech.
- Can bridesmaids give a speech together?
- Yes, and it works well if you split one structure between you rather than each giving a small complete speech. Agree the handovers out loud beforehand and nominate one person for the toast.
Go deeper
Maid of Honor Speech guide