A whole speech, not an excerpt.
We launched this month, so there are no testimonials to show you and we are not going to write ourselves any. Here is the alternative: one complete best man speech this product wrote, published in full, next to the seven answers it was built from. Read both and decide whether it sounds like a person.
- Role
- Best man
- Length
- 502 words, about 3.9 minutes
- Structure
- 6 sections
- Edited by hand afterwards
- Nothing
What Sam typed
Ten minutes of answers about an eleven-year friendship. Ordinary, unpolished, full of the small specifics a chatbot has no way to guess.
- How do you know them?
- Best mate from uni, about 11 years. I'm his best man. We lived together for three of those years.
- How did you two meet?
- We met at an open mic night in our first year. I was on stage doing a terrible three-minute set about my landlord and he heckled me from the back. He shouted 'MATE, THE LANDLORD SOUNDS NICER THAN YOU.' Got the biggest laugh of the night. I came off stage and bought him a pint because it was genuinely the best line anyone said all evening.
- What is the funniest thing that ever happened?
- On the way to his own stag do we got properly lost. He was navigating and insisted he knew a shortcut. We ended up down a single-track lane and rolled to a stop in a farmer's driveway at about 11pm, eight of us in a minibus, no signal. The farmer came out in a dressing gown with a torch. Jordan got out first, completely deadpan, and asked him if this was the Premier Inn.
- What do you actually admire about them?
- He shows up for people without being asked. When my dad had his stroke in second year I didn't tell anyone, I just stopped answering messages. Jordan drove four hours and sat in the hospital corridor until four in the morning. He didn't come in, he didn't make it a thing, he just sat there so that when I came out there was someone there. We have never once talked about it.
- Is there an inside joke?
- 'Is this the Premier Inn?' We've said it at the start of every bad situation for six years. Flat tyre, failed exam, wrong terminal at Gatwick. Also he genuinely cannot navigate and we never let him forget it.
- What do you hope for their marriage?
- That Priya keeps getting the version of him that sits in hospital corridors, and that he keeps getting someone who finds him funny on the days he isn't.
- What does the room not know?
- He practised his proposal on me over FaceTime about nine times and made me score each one out of ten. The one he actually used scored a six.
What came back
The speech, in the structure the product builds: an opener that earns attention, one story block, the turn where it stops being funny, the couple, the toast.
A best man speech for Jordan and Priya
Is This the Premier Inn?
Opener
Eleven years ago I was on stage at an open mic doing three minutes about my landlord, and a stranger at the back shouted, "MATE, THE LANDLORD SOUNDS NICER THAN YOU." Biggest laugh of the night. Wasn't even close. I came off stage, found him, and bought him a pint, because that was genuinely the best line anyone said all evening. That stranger is Jordan. I'm his best man, we lived together for three years, and he's been ruining my punchlines ever since.
Who Am I / Why Me
So I know Jordan pretty well. Well enough to know you should never, under any circumstances, let him navigate.
Story Block: The Stag Do
Case in point: his own stag do. Jordan's in the front seat insisting he knows a shortcut. Forty minutes later we're eight men in a minibus, rolling to a stop in a farmer's driveway, on a single-track lane, at eleven at night, no signal. The farmer comes out in a dressing gown with a torch, understandably furious. And Jordan, completely deadpan, gets out first and asks him, "Is this the Premier Inn?"
We have said that line at the start of every disaster since. Flat tyre, failed exam, wrong terminal at Gatwick. "Is this the Premier Inn?" It's not really a joke about geography anymore. It's a joke about the fact that no matter how lost we are, Jordan's the one who'll say something to make it survivable.
The Turn
Because here's the thing about Jordan. Second year of uni, my dad had a stroke. I didn't tell a single person. I just went quiet and stopped answering messages. Jordan drove four hours, showed up at the hospital, and sat in the corridor until four in the morning. He didn't come in. He didn't make it a thing. He just sat there so that when I finally walked out, someone was there. We have never once talked about it, until right now, in front of all of you, sorry Jordan.
That's who Priya's marrying. Someone who shows up without being asked, and doesn't need credit for it after.
The Couple
What most of you don't know is that Jordan practised his proposal on me over FaceTime nine times. Nine. I scored each one out of ten like it was Bake Off. The one he actually used, the one Priya said yes to, scored a six. So Priya, I need you to know: you got the underdog version, and you still said yes. That tells me everything about how this is going to go.
Priya, my hope for you two is simple. I hope you keep getting the version of him that sits in hospital corridors at four in the morning without being asked. And Jordan, I hope you keep getting someone who thinks you're funny on the days you're not, because believe me, there will be days.
Toast
So if you're ever lost, properly lost, no signal, wrong turn, standing in a stranger's driveway, just look at each other and ask the question. You'll know you're home. Please raise a glass to Jordan and Priya.
502 words, about 3.9 minutes at a nervous pace. The real thing also arrives with two alternate tones and pause marks; this page shows the draft plain so you are judging the writing.
Nobody types “hospital corridor” on their own.
Sam typed “he shows up for people.” The corridor, the four-hour drive and the detail that they have never once talked about it only arrived because the product asked a second question. That is the entire method, and you can read how it works here.