Groom Speech: Structure, Examples, and the Order of Thank-Yous
The one speech that has actual obligations attached. Here is how to meet them and still sound like a person.
The groom speech is the only one on the day with a job list. You are thanking people on behalf of both of you, acknowledging the hosts, toasting the bridesmaids, and saying something about your wife that she will remember for thirty years.
That is a lot of freight for four minutes, and it is why so many groom speeches turn into a reading of the guest list. The trick is to do the admin fast and well, then spend everything you have left on one paragraph.
How long
Four to six minutes, roughly 500 to 780 words. This is the one speech where the longer end is acceptable, because you have obligations the others do not.
The structure
1. Open on her
Not on thanks. One sentence about your wife, said while looking at her. It buys you the room's goodwill for the admin that follows and it signals the priority order of your day.
2. The thank-yous, briskly
Hosts, both sets of parents, anybody who travelled a long way, the people who worked on the day. Group them. Sixty to ninety seconds total, no more.
3. Absent friends
One sentence, sincere, then move on without dwelling. If somebody important has died, this is where they go, briefly and warmly.
4. The bridesmaids and the best man
Traditionally you toast the bridesmaids. One genuine line each if there are two or three; one collective line if there are six. A light dig at the best man here sets up his speech.
5. Your wife
The whole point. Two to three minutes of the speech should live here. One story, one thing you admire, one promise. Look at her for it.
6. The toast
To your wife, or to the marriage. One clean sentence. Then sit down.
Who to thank, in order
- Whoever paid for or hosted the day, named directly.
- Her parents, for the welcome and for her.
- Your parents, usually with one warm line rather than a list.
- Guests who travelled significantly, as a group not individually.
- Anybody who made something for the day: the cake, the flowers, the music.
- The bridal party, with the bridesmaids toasted formally.
- Absent friends and anybody who has died, in one sincere sentence.
Opening lines
Opening
"I have been practising this for six weeks and I have just realised I wrote the whole thing looking at a wall, and now she is sitting right there and I have forgotten all of it."
Opening
"I would like to start by saying: my wife. I am going to be saying that a lot today and I would like everybody to get used to it at the same speed I am."
Opening
"Somebody asked me this morning if I was nervous. I said no. They said, about the speech. I said oh, yes, terribly."
Doing the thank-yous without it dragging
Grouped
"To Anne and Robert, who have hosted this entire day and have been quietly solving problems since seven o'clock this morning: thank you. To my parents, who drove four hours and brought a spare suit for reasons that turned out to be entirely justified: thank you as well."
Travelled guests
"There are people in this room who got on a plane for this. We know exactly who you are and we are not going to forget it."
Absent
"My grandfather should have been sat at that table. He would have hated the speeches and loved the bar. We are thinking about him today."
The paragraph about your wife
Story into admiration
"Three years ago I got made redundant on a Tuesday. By Thursday she had rewritten my entire CV, booked me a haircut, and told me that this was going to turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. She was right, obviously. She usually is, and she is never smug about it, which is somehow worse."
The admiration
"She is the least impressed person I have ever met by things that do not matter, and the most moved by things that do. I have learned more about how to be a person from watching her than from anybody else alive."
The promise
"I am not going to make you a long list of promises in front of two hundred people. I made the ones that count this afternoon. I will just say that I meant every word, and I will be meaning them for a long time."
Toasts to close on
Close
"Please raise your glasses, and please be aware that I am going to be insufferable about this for the rest of my life: to my wife."
Close
"To everybody who got us here, and to the woman who made it worth getting to. To Sarah."
The mistakes that sink it
- ✕Turning the whole speech into thank-yous. Ninety seconds maximum on admin, then the real speech starts.
- ✕Forgetting to thank her parents by name. It is the single most noticed omission in any groom speech.
- ✕Jokes about the wedding costing money, about being told what to do, or about losing your freedom. They are old, and one of them is aimed at your wife.
- ✕Not looking at her during the paragraph about her. Print it large so you can glance down and back up.
- ✕Going past seven minutes. Even with obligations, seven is the ceiling.
- ✕Writing it the night before. This is the one speech with fixed content you can draft weeks early.
Reading about it is the easy part
The wizard interviews you about your wife, your history, and the people you need to thank, then drafts the whole thing in this structure. Free preview, no signup.
Write my groom speechQuestions people actually ask
- How long should a groom speech be?
- Four to six minutes. It carries more obligations than any other speech on the day, so it earns slightly more time, but seven minutes is the hard ceiling.
- Who does the groom thank in his speech?
- The hosts, both sets of parents, guests who travelled far, anybody who contributed to the day, and the bridal party, with a formal toast to the bridesmaids. Group them and keep the whole section to around ninety seconds.
- When does the groom speak?
- In the traditional running order, after the father of the bride and before the best man. That order is not fixed and many couples change it, so confirm with your venue or toastmaster.
- Should the groom mention the bride's dress?
- One line, and make it about her rather than the dress. "You look unbelievable" said while looking at her beats a paragraph describing the fabric to a room that can already see it.