Wedding Speech Opening Lines: 30 That Work and 6 That Never Do
The first ten seconds decide whether the room leans in or reaches for their phone.
Wedding audiences make a decision in about ten seconds. They are not deciding whether you are funny. They are deciding whether this is going to be one of the good ones or one of the long ones, and once they have decided, it is genuinely hard to change their minds.
Almost every bad opener fails the same way: it spends those ten seconds on housekeeping. "For those who do not know me, my name is..." tells the room that nothing is happening yet and they can safely look away.
Below are 30 openers that do not waste the window, sorted by role.
The three openers that reliably work
1. Start mid-scene
Begin inside the story, before any context. "It is four in the morning and Danny is on the roof." The room has to stay to find out why, and you can supply the introductions thirty seconds later when you have their attention.
2. Undercut yourself
A joke at your own expense immediately, before anybody has had time to judge you. It lowers the stakes for the room and for you, and it buys goodwill that a joke at somebody else's expense does not.
3. Say the unexpected true thing
Skip the throat-clearing and open on the sincere line most people save for the end. It is disarming precisely because nobody at a wedding opens that way.
Best man openers
Mid-scene
"It is two in the morning in a car park in Cardiff, and the groom is explaining to a police officer that the traffic cone is his."
Self-deprecating
"Tom asked me to be his best man, which I think tells you more about Tom's judgement than it does about me."
Self-deprecating
"I have been told to keep this short, clean, and to avoid anything from before 2019. So this will be the shortest speech in recorded history."
The unexpected sincere
"I am going to tell you three stories about this man and none of them will be as good as the fact that he is the person I ring first when something goes wrong."
Direct
"There are two things you need to know about the groom. The first is that he is the most loyal person I have ever met. The second involves a shed and cannot be said in front of his grandmother, so we will come back to it."
Deadpan
"For legal reasons, I have had to remove about sixty percent of this speech."
Deadpan
"I have known Tom for nineteen years. In that time I have never seen him nervous. Until roughly four o'clock this afternoon."
Warm open
"I want to start with the moment I knew he was going to marry her, which was about eleven months before he knew."
Maid of honor openers
Mid-scene
"We are nineteen, it is a Tuesday, and Hannah has decided we are driving to Cornwall."
Self-deprecating
"I have written and deleted this speech four times, which Sarah will tell you is the most organised I have ever been about anything."
The unexpected sincere
"I am going to make some jokes in a minute, but I want to say the true thing first, while I can still get through it."
Sibling or friend frame
"Most of you know her as somebody with a job and a mortgage. I met her when she was living on toast, and I would like to give the room some balance."
Warm
"There is a very specific face Sarah makes when she is trying not to cry, and she is making it now, so I am going to talk quickly."
Deadpan
"Sarah has asked me to keep this under four minutes. Sarah has also never once been ready to leave the house in under forty."
Mid-scene
"The first thing she ever said to me was that I was in her seat. She was correct, and she has been correct about almost everything since."
Groom openers
On his wife
"I would like to begin by saying: my wife. I am going to be saying that a lot today and everybody needs to get used to it at roughly the speed I am."
Nerves
"Somebody asked me this morning whether I was nervous. I said no. They said, about the speech. I said oh, yes, enormously."
Self-deprecating
"I practised this in front of a mirror for six weeks. The mirror was extremely supportive and gave me no useful notes whatsoever."
Warm
"Two hundred people came to watch us do this today, and I have spent the whole afternoon looking at exactly one of them."
Direct
"I have a list of people to thank and I am going to do it properly, but I am going to do it fast, because I would rather spend the time on her."
Parent openers
Father of the bride
"When Ellie was six she told me she was going to marry somebody with a dog, and that the dog was the important part. I would like the room to note that she has married a man with a dog."
Father of the bride
"I have been practising this speech since roughly 2003, so I would appreciate your patience if it runs slightly long."
Mother of the bride
"I have been to weddings where the mother says she cannot believe this day has arrived. I can believe it. I have believed it since the third time she mentioned his name in one phone call."
Father of the groom
"I am told the job of the father of the groom is to be brief and to be seated. I intend to achieve at least one of those."
Any parent
"There is a photograph on our kitchen wall of a four year old in wellington boots and a tiara, refusing to come inside. That is who I am looking at right now, in a much better dress."
The six openers to delete
- "For those who do not know me, my name is..." It announces that nothing is happening yet. Establish who you are thirty seconds in, after you have their attention.
- "The dictionary defines marriage as..." Nobody has ever laughed at this, at any wedding, in any country.
- "Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking..." The joke is roughly a century old and the room is ahead of you.
- "I promise to keep this short." Everybody says it and nobody means it, so the room discounts it immediately and starts bracing.
- A quote from a famous person about love. Borrowed words in the first ten seconds signal that you did not have your own.
- "Please switch your phones off / can everybody hear me?" Housekeeping in the opening slot spends your most valuable ten seconds on admin.
The test for any opener
Read the first sentence aloud to somebody who is not at the wedding. If their next question is "and then what happened?", it works. If their next question is "sorry, who are you?", it does not.
Reading about it is the easy part
The wizard writes your opening from your actual stories, in your role's structure, with the laughs and the turn in the right places. Free preview, no signup.
Get my speech draftedQuestions people actually ask
- How should I start a wedding speech?
- Start inside a story, with a joke at your own expense, or with the sincere line most people save for the end. Do not start with your name, a dictionary definition, or a promise to be brief.
- Should I introduce myself at the start of a wedding speech?
- Not in the first sentence. Open with something that earns attention, then work who you are into the speech about thirty seconds in, ideally inside a sentence that is doing another job as well.
- What is a good opening joke for a wedding speech?
- One aimed at yourself. Self-deprecation buys goodwill instantly and costs nothing, while a joke at somebody else's expense in the first ten seconds makes a room wary before it knows you.
- How long should the opening of a wedding speech be?
- Ten to fifteen seconds before the room knows what kind of speech this is. The first sentence should do work, not warm up.